Follow Your Heart
by MangaMamma
Summary: Tasuki has feelings for Nuriko. But will he still act on his feelings when he finds out Nuriko's secret?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of Fushigi Yuugi but my own enjoyment.

**A/N:** Mild Shounen Ai; So if the thought of two men kissing makes you cringe...ok, well bye-bye! Everyone else - enjoy!

**Follow Your Heart**

The Suzaku seishi were enjoying a night of relaxation and camaraderie in the palace of the emperor and fellow seishi Hotohori. The food and sake were plentiful, and spirits were high. As the night wore on, one by one, they all started to go to bed, leaving Nuriko, Tasuki and Tamahome.

"I think I'll leave you two guys to battle it out. I've got to get my beauty sleep." Nuriko stood up and wobbled a little, leaning into Tasuki to steady himself. "Whoops, sorry." He pushed off the bandit and started to make his way down the hall.

"Wait up baka. You'll never make it to your room without falling on your face." Tasuki gets up and puts his arm around the seishi's waist, supporting him. "See ya Tama."

Tamahome watches as the two head down the hallway, realizing just how close Nuriko and Tasuki had become in the past months. They were best friends and he couldn't help but envy them. He was friends with all the seishi, but Miaka and Hotohori and now those two, had found a special bond. Tamahome just shook his head and took another drink before heading to bed.

"Can't you even attempt to walk straight!" Tasuki found himself against the wall again as Nuriko leaned into him with most of his weight again.

"Maybe it would be easier if you just carried me." He smiled at the bandit, knowing exactly what kind of response to expect.

"Yeah right! If anybody should be carrying anybody, you should be carrying me. You're the freak of nature with the insane strength."

Nuriko stopped and looked at Tasuki with a glint in his eyes. "Ok." Before he could protest, the orange-haired seishi found himself in the powerful arms of Nuriko.

"Put me down you stupid woman!" Tasuki struggled and finally managed to get the drunken seishi off balance and they went tumbling to the floor. "Ow! Nuriko you--" Tasuki stopped his rant as he looked up and saw Nuriko. He had landed on top of him and was looking down at him with soft violet eyes and flushed cheeks framed by raven hair that shined purple in the light. _Beautiful…. _He was suddenly aware of Nuriko's body lying on top of his and to his surprise, he liked it. "N-Nuriko?"

Nuriko was gazing at Tasuki, wanting to kiss him, but knowing the fiery-haired thief would never feel that way about him. He started at the sound of the bandit's voice and blinked down at Tasuki. "Oh…sorry. You shouldn't have struggled like that." Nuriko slid off and sat back on his knees, looking down at the floor. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah."

Tasuki stood and offered Nuriko a hand up. Without looking up, Nuriko took the hand and stood, pretending to smooth out his kimono as a distraction. "Nuriko, look at me." He looked over at Tasuki and felt his cheeks flush again as he looked into the amber eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Nuriko shook his head and started walking. Tasuki frowned but followed the silent seishi until they reached Nuriko's room. He started to slide the door open but Tasuki put his hand on Nuriko's and shut it. Nuriko stared at the hand, marveling at the bandit's warmth. Then he looked up and saw the amber eyes gazing at him. _What is going on in that head of yours Tasuki? Do you know how much you torture me right now?_ They stared at each other for what seemed like forever to Nuriko until Tasuki suddenly grabbed the seishi's shoulders and kissed him.

Tasuki's body felt like it was on fire. Nuriko's lips felt so good and she tasted so sweet. He'd been wrestling with his feelings for this woman for awhile now, and after feeling her body against his, he had to know…_Am I in love with Nuriko?_ _If I tell her, will she return my feelings, or just laugh at me?_ He heard a soft moan and suddenly pushed back, breathless, his back against the other wall of the alcove. He looked into Nuriko's eyes, looking for any sign of how she felt. She looked surprised, her cheeks flushed, her fingertips at her lips. _I knew it. She doesn't feel the same way. I'm so stupid!_ Tasuki looked away, "We…we should call it a night. I don't think either of us is thinking too clearly right now."

By the time Nuriko regained his composure and found his voice, Tasuki was already down the hallway, his hands clenched at his sides. "Tasuki, wait." He watched the orange-haired bandit turn the corner and disappear before going to bed himself. Nuriko didn't sleep much that night, thoughts of Tasuki and the feeling of his lips torturing him all night.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

The next morning Tasuki wasn't at breakfast, so Nuriko went out to the temple steps and meditated. _He will find me when he wants to. I just hope it's soon….._

"Am I interrupting?"

Nuriko's eyes flew open and he smiled to see the sun-drenched seishi standing before him. "Not at all. I missed you at breakfast. I had to set Tama-baby on fire all by myself." He was happy to get a smirk out of the bandit.

"Sorry. I overslept." Tasuki shuffled his feet and looked around at the surrounding buildings. "I just wanted you to know that last night…" he locked eyes with Nuriko and his chest tightened at the sight of her. _Gods she's beautiful._ "…I hope you're not mad at me. It was a stupid thing to do and---"

"Tasuki. I'm not mad. I wanted---"

"I know, I know. You wanted to punch my face in or some other suitable response. And I wouldn't blame you, but we were pretty drunk and I'm thinking that fall shook my brain up a bit more than I thought." He had a hand on his head and offered a sheepish smile.

Nuriko just stared at his best friend. "So….you didn't mean it?"

"Of course not baka!"

Nuriko exhaled sharply and forced a smile. "Well then I guess it's settled."

"Good. I'm going into town with Chichiri and Mitsukake, wanna join in?"

"No. You go ahead. I'm going to rest before we set out for Hangma."

"Suit yourself. See ya!"

Nuriko watched the bandit run off and finally hid his face in his sleeve, no longer able to hold the tears back. _I should have known he didn't mean to kiss me. Why would he fall in love with me? I'm the guy who dresses like a woman with freakish strength. I'm perfect as his best friend, but of course I could never be his love_. Nuriko choked back the tears, wiped his face and sat up straight, returning to his meditating. _I love you Tasuki. But if all you want is a friend, then I will satisfy myself with that, because I don't want to lose you_.

Tasuki ran towards the main building as fast as he could. His chest hurt at the sight of her. _She doesn't love me. And why should she? I'm just some bandit. She's beautiful and smart and rightfully part of the emperor's Inner Seraglio, which I'm sure she'll return to once Miaka summons Suzaku_. Tasuki saw his friends waiting for him at the gate and took a deep breath. _Well, at least now I know and thankfully, she doesn't hate me. I guess that's better than nothing._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"Tasuki!"

Nuriko dove in front of the fallen seishi, taking the full brunt of the Dou warrior's wind-slash attack. Tasuki watched in horror through blurry eyes as his best friend saved his life. When the bright light died down he saw Nuriko, her body limp and bloodied, only a few feet away. He crawled over to her, praying to every god he could think of for her safety. He pulled her upper body to him, cradling her close to his chest.

"Nuriko! Answer me!" He brushed her hair back, his hands shaking, "Damn you, open your eyes!"

The fallen seishi's eyes fluttered open and saw the worried bandit's face. "I'll be…fine."

"You're damn right you will be! You have to get better so I can kick your ass for such a stupid move!"

Nuriko tried to laugh, but it hurt too much. He grimaced and clamped his eyes shut against the pain as he coughed up blood. Tasuki felt the seishi go limp in his arms again and panic set in.

"You can't leave me Nuriko! Please don't leave me!"

Nuriko opened his eyes again and slowly reached up a hand, lightly caressing his cheek, "I won't leave you….ever….I swear."

Tasuki placed his hand over hers and felt that tightness in his chest that he'd become accustomed to in the past weeks, only now it threatened to kill him it hurt so much. He looked into the violet eyes,

"Nuriko…I lov--"

His heart stopped when Nuriko's eyes closed again, but he realized she'd just passed out from the pain and exhaustion. But she needed medical attention now. He looked up and saw Tamahome and Hotohori battling the horde of female Dou warriors. Tasuki gently laid Nuriko's head down on the ground and stood up, his anger fueling his chi.

"Rekka Shinen!"

Tamahome and Hotohori heard the bandit shout and quickly moved out of the way, just as the flames raced past and incinerated their foes. Tasuki fell to his knees, breathing heavily, his chi completely gone.

"Tasuki!" Hotohori was by his side, "Let me help you."

"N-Nuriko. Help her."

Hotohori looked up and saw Tamahome and Chichiri already by the fallen seishi's side.

"Don't worry. Nuriko will be fine."

Chichiri transported Nuriko and Mitsukake back to the palace, and then came back for the others, one by one, until finally all were safe.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Per the bandit's insistence, Hotohori helped Tasuki to Nuriko's bedside where they found Mitsukake examining the wounded seishi. Hotohori noticed how worried the bandit was about Nuriko and his heart went out to him. He knew they were close. They were the best of friends. He placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry. Nuriko will be fine. She's too strong and too stubborn to let something like this stop her."

Tasuki kept his eyes on Nuriko and just nodded.

Mitsukake raised Nuriko's head and shoulders, "Hotohori, would you help me please?"

The emperor came to the healer's aid and helped to remove the kimono so he could see all the wounds before expending his chi.

"Wait! What are you perverts doing!"

Tasuki tried to get up and pull them away before they could strip off the kimono, but he wasn't strong enough. As the two confused seishi turned to face Tasuki, he caught a glimpse of Nuriko's exposed body and stared in shock.

"Tasuki, what's wrong? I have to see the extent of the wounds before I heal them." Mitsukake stared at Tasuki, whose eyes wouldn't leave Nuriko's body.

"Tasuki?" Hotohori kneeled beside the bandit and when he placed a hand on his shoulder, Tasuki turned his shocked expression on Hotohori, "Tasuki. Say something."

"Nuriko…"

"Don't worry, Nuriko will be fine. Maybe you should lie down and get some rest." Tasuki allowed himself to be led away to his bed, all the while keeping silent.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Tasuki only slept for a few hours before getting up and going to Nuriko's room. He sat down and looked at the sleeping seishi. His mind and heart were in such turmoil he thought he would scream. _Nuriko is a man. How is this possible? Everyone refers to Nuriko as 'she'. Nuriko is beautiful and dresses in kimono and is part of Hotohori's inner Seraglio. _

But what really kept Tasuki's head and chest hurting was the fact that he'd kissed him a few months' back and had almost admitted to him earlier that he loved him. He was attracted to Nuriko. What man in his right mind wouldn't be? But until Nuriko, he'd always hated women, thinking they were more trouble than they were worth. But if Nuriko is a man…? _I'm not gay. I'm not attracted to men. I'm attracted to women. I just don't have a use for them other than very temporary needs._ But Nuriko was different. He liked her. He enjoyed her company, he respected her abilities and her intelligence and he thought she was beautiful. _But Nuriko isn't a woman…._

After he'd kissed her, he'd backed off, knowing it was wrong. Nuriko didn't love him. And they were the constellations of Suzaku and couldn't afford such distractions anyway. So he'd told her it meant nothing, when in fact, it had meant everything to him. She meant everything to him. _How could I not know she was a man! How could the others not tell me?_

"Ta…suki?" The soft, groggy voice broke his internal ranting and he looked up to see those violet eyes locked onto him. "I'm so glad to see you."

"I…I just came to check up on you." He was feeling the panic beginning to build within him. He couldn't hold her…**_his_** gaze. He felt his cheeks get warm and he got up to leave. "You should rest."

"Wait. Please don't go." Nuriko reached a hand up, but Tasuki could only look back with hurt in his eyes before leaving the room. Nuriko felt the stab of pain in his heart. _What did I do wrong? Is he mad at me for saving him?_

"Tasuki…"

Nuriko rolled over and clenched his eyes shut, a sudden feeling of dread building within him.

to be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** The usual. Don't own 'em, wish I did.

**A/N:** Shounen Ai;

**Follow Your Heart**

**Chapter 2**

Nuriko was up and about, his usual carefree self by the next morning. He noticed Tasuki wasn't at breakfast and didn't think much of it until he failed to show up for lunch as well. Nuriko went to the bandit's room to make sure he was ok. "Tasuki? Are you in there?" When he got no reply, Nuriko slid the door open just a crack and saw the room was empty. "Where could he be?"

"He went into town right before lunch."

Nuriko gasped and turned to see Mitsukake standing at the corner. "You scared me!" Nuriko slid the door shut and approached the healer, "Did he say where he was going specifically?"

"Nope. Seemed to be in a pretty bad mood though. Maybe he just wants to be alone."

"I see. Thank you Mitsukake." Nuriko walked past, lost in thought, unaware of the healer's knowing smile. _He's avoiding me. But why? He can't possibly be that mad at me for saving him. I'll just have to go find out!_

Nuriko made his way into the city and scoured the taverns and weapons shops looking for Tasuki. After roaming the city for hours and realizing the sun was setting, Nuriko made his way back to the palace feeling depressed. As he walked up the temple stairs, he spotted a flash of orange out of the corner of his eyes. _Tasuki?_ Nuriko ran around the side of the temple and found Tasuki walking quickly away towards an outer building.

"Tasuki, stop!"

The seishi stopped with his back to Nuriko, hands clenched at his sides. "What do you want?"

Nuriko stopped walking towards Tasuki when he heard the harsh tone. "I…I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Last night…you seemed angry with me and I wanted to know why." Nuriko waited for a response but received only silence from the bandit. "Tasuki, answer me. What's going on?" He reached out for him, but was shocked when Tasuki whirled around, grabbed Nuriko's wrist, his face full of anger and pain.

"What are you trying to pull? You walk around in kimono and makeup, acting like a woman. Do you know how ridiculous you are!"

Nuriko tried to pull away from the ranting seishi, but he had him in a vice grip. "Tasuki, let me go! What are you talking about!"

Tasuki twisted Nuriko's wrist and the seishi went down on his knees, grimacing in pain. Tasuki's voice became lower and his pain was showing through.

"You must think I'm the biggest fool. All this time…I didn't know. I was so stupid."

"Tasuki, you're drunk."

Nuriko was too much in shock to fight back. He could easily break Tasuki's hold on him, but he was held captive by the ranting seishi. _Why is he suddenly angry with the way I dress and act? He's acting like he just found out…._

"I can't believe I kissed you. I should have known better. Any woman, even a false woman, isn't worth it."

Tasuki reached out with his free hand and let the long raven tresses slip through his fingers. He seemed saddened by the sight. When the last bit fell through his fingers, he turned his amber eyes to the watery violet ones looking up at him. Tasuki reached out and lightly caressed Nuriko's face.

"You made me feel things Nuriko. Things I never thought possible." The amber eyes suddenly hardened and he gripped Nuriko's face roughly. "But it was all an illusion, wasn't it? You bastard." Tasuki pushed Nuriko away and glared down at him, tears running down both their faces now, "I don't ever want to see that face again." Tasuki walked off, leaving a shocked and heartbroken Nuriko.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Nuriko sat staring at himself in the mirror, having skipped dinner, he had been sitting in front of the mirror for hours, the small oil lamp on his table the only light. _"You made me feel things Nuriko. Things I never thought possible." _The words played through Nuriko's mind over and over. He heard the pain in his voice and saw all the emotions behind those amber eyes. "_I don't ever want to see that face again."_ The words caused Nuriko to flinch. _Tasuki hates me. He cared for me, but as a woman. He didn't know I was a man. How did he not know?_

Nuriko had washed his face clean of makeup and was dressed only in a simple pair of pants. He reached out for the scissors and cut the long braid, placing it in a pouch, cinching it shut, and placing it in the top drawer. _Goodbye Korin. It is time I show the world who I am. And maybe, Tasuki will accept me again._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

"Nuriko!"

All eyes turned to see Nuriko standing in the doorway, short hair, no makeup, and dressed in proper men's attire.

"Hello everyone."

He smiled at the gathered seishi and when he made eye contact with Tasuki, he felt his cheeks get warm and the stabbing pain in his chest returned. The bandit just stared at him, his surprise evident, but his eyes were still hard.

Hotohori came up to him and played with his hair, a look of sadness on his face, "Nuriko, what have you done? You're lovely hair…"

"It wasn't really my hair Hotohori. It was my sister's." He saw the looks on their faces and he went to join his friends gathered around the table.

"My given name is Ryuuen. I had a twin sister, Korin. When we were ten, we went to market with mother. She had fallen behind, pausing to look at some books at a stand. When I looked back for her, she was running to catch up with us." Nuriko chuckled, a wistful smile on his face, "She was smiling so proudly at the book she'd found, and she was so happy, she wasn't paying attention. She was……trampled by a carriage. I was so horrified at the sight I passed out." Nuriko looked down into his lap, clutching handfuls of his pants, fighting back the tears, even after all these years. "Korin was my other half. It was months and I still had not come to terms with her loss. One day, in a fit of grief I dressed in her clothes and refused to dress or act like a boy. This way, my sister was always alive."

"Your story explains everything except why you decided to finally put your sister's memory to rest."

Nuriko looked over at Miaka and smiled. "Ever the observant one priestess." He dared a quick glance at Tasuki who had been sitting silently, staring out the window the whole time. "I realized that I am a seishi of Suzaku and if I'm going to dedicate my life to you priestess, my heart cannot be weighed down by past regrets."

Miaka got up from her chair and went over to the seishi, kneeling down in front of him, taking his hands in hers. "You are a powerful and beautiful person Nuriko. But I cannot accept what you offer." She reached up and held his cheek, smiling, "I accept your loyalty and friendship, but not your life. I could never ask you, or any one of my friends, to give their life for me."

Nuriko sank down to his knees and hugged Miaka to him. The priestess hugged him back fiercely, and was soon joined by Hotohori and the others. When Nuriko looked up he saw Tasuki standing in the doorway, watching them. When their eyes met, Tasuki jumped and Nuriko saw some color in his cheeks. _Tasuki… _The bandit disappeared as the group hug broke up.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

For the next month, Tasuki avoided Nuriko whenever possible and when they did converse, it was mostly business and very straightforward. Nuriko had taken to hanging out with Tamahome more and the two were becoming good friends.

And at the moment they were enjoying a game of Conquer in one of the many rooms the seishi used as a gathering place. Everyone else had gone to bed and they were the only two left. Nuriko didn't sleep much anymore, his dreams full of pain and heartache, his sleep fitful at best.

"Ha! The gods are with me tonight! You're going down my friend." Tamahome smiled as he rubbed the dice in his hand, ready for another turn.

Nuriko offered a sly smile and kept his voice even and matter of fact. "You are so confident for one who loses so often." He rolled the dice and frowned at the not-so-favorable roll. "Damn it!"

Tamahome laughed and held out his hand as Nuriko handed over two pieces to the gloating seishi. "All I need is one more straight roll and you're mine!"

Nuriko, his eyes cast down, began to fiddle with a playing piece, "Sorry Tama-baby, I belong to Miaka."

Tamahome stopped before he could release the dice and looked at his friend. His tone had become sad and he couldn't figure out why.

"Nuriko? Are you ok?"

Nuriko looked up and offered a fake smile, "Of course! Now roll the dice so I can win and go to bed."

"I'm going to win this game you stubborn baka!"

"No you're not."

"Yes I am!"

"No. You're. Not."

Tamahome leaned across the playing board, now on all fours, mere inches from Nuriko's face, "How confident are you that I'm going to lose?"

"Huh?" Nuriko could feel the heat rise to his cheeks and he leaned back on his hands, trying to put some distance between them.

"If you're so sure I'm going to lose, let's bet. What are you willing to bet Nuriko?"

"I-I don't know. Just roll the dice!"

"So you're not so confident after all, huh?"

Nuriko frowned at the arrogant drunk. _I'm drunk too, but he's taking this a little too far_. "Roll the dice."

The seishi let the dice drop from his hands, but neither looked down for the results. "Can you see the dice Nuriko?"

Nuriko tore his eyes from the blue diamonds gazing at him to look for the dice. He spied the green cubes and a smile slowly appeared on his face. He looked back up, his voice soft in the quiet room.

"Sorry Tama-baby. But like I said, I belong to Miaka."

Tamahome looked down and saw the poor role the fates had given him. He looked up and saw Nuriko smiling at him sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Oh well. That's that. Goodnight."

Tamahome reached out before Nuriko could move and pulled him towards him, hand behind his neck, and kissed him. Nuriko was too stunned to react at first. Then he cleared his mind and pushed Tamahome away.

"What are you doing?"

"Nuriko…I care for you. I know it sounds stupid but since we've been spending so much time together, I've really gotten a chance to know you personally and lately, I've just wanted to…" He reached out and caressed Nuriko's cheek, "I'm sorry, I just couldn't stand it anymore. Please don't hate me Nuriko."

"I don't hate you. I'm…surprised. I never thought…"

"But you don't feel the same way, do you?" Tamahome shifted forward and kneeled in front of Nuriko, the game board forgotten. "I've noticed how you've changed the past few months, but I just figured that had to do with leaving your sister behind. There's a certain sadness in your eyes and I want to make it go away. Let me make you happy Nuriko." Tamahome let his fingers tangle themselves into Nuriko's hair. "Say yes."

"I can't---"

Tamahome kissed Nuriko again, this time leaning in and pushing the seishi onto his back. He rested his body on Nuriko and his hands gently stroked the raven hair. Nuriko's mind was swimming once again. The sake, the heat from Tamahome's body, the taste of his lips. _He wants me. He accepts me. Why can't this be you Tasuki? Why can't you want me like this?_ The sharp pain in Nuriko's chest brought him around and he began to push Tamahome away, protesting.

"Tama-baby, you're drunk. You don't mean this."

Tamahome pulled back and Nuriko flinched at the pain in the blue eyes. "I am perfectly within my right mind. If you think real hard, you'll release I haven't taken a drink in the past hour. So don't use that as an excuse. And I'm not saying I love you Nuriko. I'm saying I care for you and I desire you and I want to see you happy again."

Nuriko silently cursed himself as he felt the tear slowly slide down his cheek and back into his hair. "Please, let me go." The seishi slowly rolled off and Nuriko sat up, wiping his face. "I'm sorry Tama-baby. I can't do this. I'm sorry." Nuriko stood up and headed for the door but Tamahome's voice stopped him.

"I'll be here when you need me Nuriko."

Nuriko made his way back to his room, more miserable than ever. As he walked through the breezeway, he looked out into the gardens and saw a lone figure sitting on the bridge. _Who would be out there at this time of night?_ Nuriko decided he wanted the distraction from his current problems and hopped out into the garden, making his way over to the bridge.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Tasuki sat on the bridge, twirling the flower between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, immediately reminded of Nuriko. He often wore one in his hair before… Tasuki felt his chest tighten at the thought of Nuriko and he cursed the seishi for the hundredth time.

_The first person I ever care for outside of my family….I made such a fool of myself! I kissed him.And it was wonderful. ButI'm not attracted to men. I was attracted to the woman I thought was Nuriko. Your long raven hair, your smile, that smooth pale skin, those violet eyes…. And now? What's truly changed? You're hair is shorter. You wear different clothes. But everything else….you're still beautiful Nuriko. _

Tasuki let out a growl of frustration. _How can I still be haunted by you! I just want my friend back. I want to drink and laugh together, I want to make Tama's life miserable with you. I just want to be with you…._

Suddenly, Tasuki's chest didn't hurt anymore. Instead, he felt a flutter in his stomach and a smile threatening to break through. _I'll be damned…._

"Nuriko…I want to be with you."

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

When Nuriko was close enough to the bridge that shouting wasn't necessary, he made his presence known, "Hello? Is someone there?"

The figure stood up in an instant. Nuriko stepped onto the bridge and stopped dead when he saw Tasuki standing there. His face flushed, looking like he was just caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Oh, um…I'm sorry Tasuki. I didn't realize it was you out here. Sorry for disturbing you."

"What are you doing out here so late?" Tasuki let the flower he had been playing with drop silently into the stream below.

"I just finished playing Conquer with Tamahome and was on my way to bed."

The bandit scoffed and turned to lean against the bridge railing, looking out over the calm water. "Yeah, that would figure. I've seen the way you two are with each other."

"Nani? What's that supposed to mean? Tamahome is a good friend. To both of us." Nuriko approached Tasuki, but when he got within a few feet, the seishi backed away a few steps. "You still hate me, don't you?" Nuriko bowed his head and stared at his feet, "I miss your friendship Tasuki. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday. I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused you. Goodnight."

Nuriko bowed and walked away, heading back to his room when he heard Tasuki's voice, "I don't hate you Nuriko. I could never…you are my friend and I apologize for not being a very good one to you lately. I promise I'll try harder."

Nuriko didn't even turn around, "Don't force yourself to do something that isn't in your heart Tasuki." He started walking back to his room again. When he'd closed the door behind him, Nuriko's head hurt so much. The onslaught of emotions had drained him and he wanted to sleep for days. _Tasuki, do you mean it? Do you still want to be my friend? _Nuriko settled down into his bed, prepared for another restless night.

_To be continued…._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** The usual. Don't own 'em, wish I did.

**A/N:** Shounen Ai;

**Follow Your Heart**

**Chapter 3**

Hotohori walked down the corridor followed by his advisors and noticed Nuriko sitting on a bench by himself, just staring off into oblivion. "You will wait for us here." The emperor made his way out to his friend, "May I join you?"

Nuriko had been so lost in thought, he hadn't noticed Hotohori approach. "Of course."

Hotohori sat down and returned the smile being offered. "Nuriko, I am concerned about you."

"Me?"

"Ever since you decided to put your sister's death behind you, you haven't been your normal carefree self. You've withdrawn into yourself a bit."

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. I've been having lots of fun with Tamahome and Chichiri has been mentoring me in various meditating techniques."

"What about Tasuki?"

Nuriko felt the heat rise to his cheeks and a quick stabbing pain ripped through his chest. "Tasuki? What about him?"

"You two were inseparable up until a month ago. What happened?"

Nuriko looked out at the manicured gardens surrounding them and took a deep breath. _I have to talk to someone. Maybe if I can say it out loud, it will take some of the pain away_. "Tasuki had feelings for me but he didn't know I was a man until that day I was badly injured saving him. And now…he says he doesn't hate me, but he avoids me."

Hotohori's eyes widened at the news. He'd thought there might be something more going on between those two but was never quite sure. And how could Tasuki not know Nuriko was a man?

"And what about you? What are your feelings toward Tasuki?"

Nuriko leaned back, staring up into the blue sky, "I love him. I have for a very long time."

"I see." Hotohori stood up and looked down at the miserable seishi. "I know the pain of unrequited love Nuriko. It will slowly devour your soul. You must resolve this one way or another. Either fight for your love and claim it, or bury it as you would anything else that has died."

Nuriko stood up, his face solemn, but Hotohori could see the life in the violet eyes. "Thank you Hotohori."

"Anytime my friend." Hotohori hugged his friend and made his way back to his advisors.

_I will fight for you Tasuki. You have admitted to caring for me and that doesn't just go away. You cared for me, not the illusion, and I have to make you realize that._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You want to what!" Tasuki took a few steps back and stared at the seishi smiling calmly at him.

"Ok, maybe 'fight' isn't the right term. I would like to spar with you. I've been testing my skills against Tama-baby, Hotohori and Chichiri and you're the only one left before I have to start propositioning the enemy."

"No! It's a stupid idea! I can't believe you'd even ask such a thing."

Nuriko's brows furrowed slightly. _I didn't want to have to do this but_, "You said you'd try harder to be a friend Tasuki. Prove it."

Tasuki's cheeks flushed, but his eyes hardened as his words were thrown back in his face. _Nuriko, you're up to something, I just know it. I haven't seen you sparring with anyone lately_.

"Fine. Two days. Where and when?"

"Sunrise at the ruins."

"I'll be there."

"Thank you Tasuki." Nuriko kept the smile from his face until he was far enough away from the bandit. _I will fight for you Tasuki. And I will win._

Tasuki watched Nuriko walk back into the main building. He didn't believe his story for one moment. He was going to question the others and catch him in his lie. _But I'll still spar with you Nuriko. This may be the opportunity I've been waiting for…..._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So you're the next victim, huh?" Tamahome took a sip of sake and smirked at the bandit. "Don't let him fool you. He's not just brute strength."

"Really."

Tamahome leaned back and focused on a point on the ceiling, his face softening as he recalled the sparring match. "He's quick and very agile. Gods he can move! And you know what a strategist he is, right? You can see him thinking three moves ahead of you. You better watch yourself Tasuki. Don't take him lightly. You'll regret it."

Tasuki scoffed and downed the remaining sake in his cup. "You sound like you're in love Tama. It's just a sparring match."

"I am in love."

"Nani!" Tasuki spit out the sake and grabbed his fellow seishi by the collar, "What the hell are you talking about!"

Tamahome was surprised by the anger from the bandit, but regained his head quickly and shoved him away, standing up, fists clenched, "What's your problem fang boy!"

Tasuki glared at his friend, body shaking. "You're in love with Nuriko? That's bullshit!"

"It's not bullshit! And why do you suddenly care so much anyway? From what I've seen lately you want nothing to do with him."

Tasuki glared at Tamahome. The thought of Nuriko with Tamahome suddenly driving the bandit insane. "Does he….love you?"

Tamahome stared at the bandit, realization suddenly setting in. He let the tension go and slumped down into the chair. _Tasuki is in love with Nuriko. Unbelievable! But if he's in love with him, why does he avoid him? Is that why you turned me away Nuriko? Do you love Tasuki as well? _Tamahome's thoughts were interrupted when he heard the bandit yelling his name.

"Hey! Tama! I asked you a question! Tama!" Tasuki took a step toward the confounded seishi but stopped in his tracks when the blue eyes fixed on him.

Tamahome slowly stood up and began to walk out of the room. Before he entered the hallway, he turned back and looked at the enraged bandit, "I guess we'll find out in two days."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nuriko sat on a pile of rubble, his stomach in knots as he waited for Tasuki to arrive. He couldn't sleep last night, so he'd come here hours ago, enjoying the darkness and the quiet before the fire and destruction. He didn't expect this to be a typical sparring match. Nuriko expected both of them to come away with injuries and he wouldn't be surprised if there was nothing left of the ruins when they were done.

He started to review his fighting strategy when he heard the familiar voice behind him.

"I'll give you one more chance to back out of this crazy idea."

Nuriko smiled and turned to face the bandit, "I'm not backing down."

Tasuki shrugged and threw his cloak off to the side. "Alright then. Let's get this over with."

Nuriko positioned himself on top of a half-collapsed pillar, his mind and body finally calm now that the moment of truth had arrived. _Tasuki…_

Tasuki pulled out the harisen and fixed hard eyes on the seishi. He was standing on the pillar, calm, confident and beautiful. He shook his head, silently cursing himself. _Damn it, I've gotta concentrate!_ He focused on the seishi again, this time watching his body for any movement, instead of the violet eyes which seemed to see right into him.

"I'm waiting. Are you scared?"

Nuriko smiled at the orange-haired seishi. "No, I'm not scared anymore." He saw the surprise in the bandit's eyes and used that moment to attack.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Rekka Shinen!"

Nuriko flew up into the trees, barely avoiding the deadly attack. When the flames died down, he glared at the bandit on the ground.

"You bastard! Are you trying to kill me!"

Tasuki just stared at the pissed off seishi in the tree. He couldn't quite hear what he was saying because his heart was pounding in his ears. He hadn't meant to use that attack. He'd never forgive himself if he hurt, much less killed, Nuriko. He'd sooner kill himself. But he was trying so hard to focus on the fight and not on Nuriko, he'd messed up. Big time.

"Sorry! Got caught up in the moment!" He lowered his harisen and took a few steps back, waiting for Nuriko to come down.

Nuriko watched the seishi from above and wondered for the hundredth time if this was such a good idea. They'd been fighting for quite some time now and the pain in his ribs was getting worse. He'd probably just bruised them, but the continued fighting was making things worse. _Maybe I should just end it now. I'm hurt, Tasuki almost killed me, and I don't seem to be winning the real battle here. He doesn't seem like his old self around me_.

Nuriko jumped down and landed in a crouched position, bowing his head to hide the grimace of pain. He slowly stood up and ran a hand through his hair, still slightly unaccustomed to the short length.

"Maybe we should call it a day. Obviously you're distracted and--"

"I said I was sorry, now let's go!" He took a ready position, his harisen raised and half open.

"No, Tasuki. Maybe some other day." He went to sit down against a nearby tree and tried to smile through the grimace of pain, "Thanks for sparring with me. It meant a lot." He leaned his head back against the tree, closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.

Tasuki stood there not sure what he should do. This was the first time in months they'd spent any real time together alone and he wasn't ready to leave yet. He saw Nuriko trying to hide the pain with a smile and scoffed.

"You're dismissing me? Just like that?"

"Huh? No, I just--"

Tasuki went over and retrieved his cloak, tucking his harisen in his belt. "Yeah, yeah. I saw you trying to hide the pain. You just don't want to admit how much I hurt you." He sank down onto his knees, a smirk on his face.

Nuriko warmed at the sight of the very familiar and welcome smirk. He loved that smirk. "I have no problem admitting how much you hurt me Tasuki." Nuriko turned away, mumbling to himself, "I just can't admit it to you."

"What was that?"

"N-nothing."

"Well, let me take a look at ya." Tasuki reached for the tie on Nuriko's tunic and the seishi pulled away, cheeks flushed, pushing Tasuki away. "What's wrong? Let me see how badly you're hurt baka."

"No! I said I'm fine. There's no need for you to undress me." Nuriko suddenly felt the need to run away. All this time spent agonizing over Tasuki and wanting to spend time with him and now that they were alone…he was scared. Nuriko made his way down the slope, one arm bracing his ribs. _Why am I scared to be alone with him?_

"I said stop damn it!"

Nuriko froze at the command coming from behind him. He turned just in time to see Tasuki come to a stop a few feet away.

"What's wrong with you? Why did you run away from me?"

"I..I said I'm fine. What more do you want from me?"

"I want a better explanation."

Nuriko gazed helplessly at the bandit before him. He was tired, hurt and his whole body was shaking from being so close to him. _Tasuki, why can't you leave me to my misery?_ Nuriko took a painful deep breath and looked away.

"I have no better explanation Tasuki. I'm tired and I'm hurt and I just want to go to bed."

Tasuki studied the seishi. He studied everything from his long eyelashes and pink lips, to his dusty clothes with the small tear in the leg and long slender fingers. _Nuriko…how many times have I seen you look like this after a battle? Whether you dress like a man or a woman, you're still Nuriko, aren't you? I've been so stupid and prideful and I've hurt both of us so much. I promise I'll make it up to you, starting right now._

"C'mon then."

Nuriko started at the strangled voice. He stared in confusion as Tasuki supported him by his upper arm and led him down the hill.

"Tasuki.."

The bandit turned to meet the violet eyes, a warm smile on his face, "Yeah?"

Nuriko's breath caught in his chest. It was Tasuki, his best friend, smiling at him. His eyes were warm and the smile was genuine. _Did I win after all? Has he forgiven me?_

"N-never mind."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They made their way carefully back to the palace and Tasuki helped Nuriko all the way to his room. Nuriko leaned against the wall of the alcove that contained the door to his room.

"Thanks for helping me to my room."

"You're welcome. But I'm not leaving yet. You need a bath before you go to bed." Tasuki saw the shock and blush on the seishi's face and he smiled, "I'm not going to bathe you baka. I'm a fighter, not a servant. C'mon." He slid the door open and led Nuriko inside, helping him to sit down in a nearby chair. "Now you stay here and I'll go get some help."

"Tasuki stop." The orange-haired seishi whirled to face him, looking as if the events of the past month or so hadn't happened. "Why...are you doing this?"

"Because you are my best friend and I want to. Ok?"

Nuriko nodded mutely and sat there, stunned. _Am I dreaming? Did that last attack really kill me and I'm in heaven or something? _Nuriko was still in a daze when two servants entered the room and helped him out of his clothes and into a steaming bath. When he emerged from the bath, Nuriko was disappointed not to find Tasuki waiting for him. He put on a yakata and settled into bed, relieved to be still. His thoughts drifted to Tasuki but it didn't last long. He was so tired and sleep overcame him quickly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The servant found Tasuki in his quarters and informed him that Nuriko was comfortable in bed now. The seishi made his way back to Nuriko's room, having washed and changed as well. When he slid the door to Nuriko's room closed and kneeled by his side, he couldn't help but chuckle.

"Baka. This is what happens when you don't sleep at night and then try and go toe to toe with me." He brushed some errant hair from the sleeping seishi's face, admiring its peaceful beauty. "Gods Nuriko you are beautiful."

Tasuki reached out and let his finger trace his jaw line. Tasuki's eyes roamed over the seishi's face and then he leaned in, kissing him lightly on the forehead.

Nuriko's eyes fluttered open and violet eyes gazed dreamily at amber eyes. "Tasuki?"

They just stare at each other until Tasuki can't stand it any longer. He leans the few inches in and kisses Nuriko on the lips. When he pulls back, his heart soars at the small smile greeting him.

"Am I dreaming?"

Tasuki strokes the soft raven hair and smiles, "Yes Nuriko. You're dreaming. So close your eyes and enjoy." Nuriko obeyed and closed his eyes. Tasuki stayed by his side trying to figure out his feelings for this man. _What do I do? Is this love that I feel for you Nuriko? Sitting here now there is no way I can deny my attraction to you. _

"I have so much I want to tell you. I hope I have the courage."

Tasuki left Nuriko to sleep in peace, hoping that Nuriko's dream would continue once he awoke.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nuriko sat on the edge of the temple portico, enjoying the early morning quiet and his cup of steaming hot tea. His ribs still hurt, but knowing that Tasuki was his friend again, made it worth the pain. He'd had the most wonderful dream where Tasuki was by his side, taking care of him, and loving him. It was the first good dream and peaceful rest he'd had in over a month.

The sound of a bird taking flight caught his attention and when he looked, he saw Tamahome emerging from the mist.

"Good morning Tama-baby. What are you doing up so early?"

He hopped up and sat down next to Nuriko, "I couldn't sleep so I've been wandering about the grounds. You?"

"I slept most of yesterday away, and I woke up really early this morning. So I thought I'd enjoy the sunrise."

Tamahome admired the seishi next to him. He cared for Nuriko. He really did. And maybe telling Tasuki he was in love with him was a bit much, but not too far from the truth. He'd just reacted with such anger Tamahome felt the need to back his statement up.

He hadn't slept much last night because he was so uptight about what happened between Nuriko and Tasuki yesterday. He couldn't find Tasuki and was told Nuriko was not to be disturbed. But now...

"So. How'd it go with Tasuki yesterday? I tried to ask him but he disappeared for the whole day."

Nuriko raised an eyebrow at the news of Tasuki and his mind began to race with possibilities. Not all of them good. He took a sip of tea and looked out over the temple courtyard.

"It went well. I ended up bruising my ribs, but I'm already starting to feel better."

"How well did he fare?"

Nuriko chuckled and then winced, "Better than me that's for sure." He took another sip of tea and noticed the look on his friend's face. "Is there something on your mind Tama-baby?"

Tamahome stared at Nuriko. _I want to know if you love Tasuki. I want to know if you care for me at all. Do I have a place in your heart Nuriko?_

"Huh? Oh!" He smiled and leaned back against the pillar, "I was just thinking that if fang boy got away without so much as a scratch, then I'm slipping. When we sparred, you got me pretty good."

"I was just having a lucky day when I sparred with you. We all know you're the most powerful warrior among us."

"That's just power though. You and Tasuki on the other hand….you both have strength, agility and think fast on your feet. Maybe I should start training with you instead of sensei."

"Or maybe you should actually train with sensei instead of goofing around."

Tamahome leaned in, his eyes sparkling, voice low. "But I'm goofing off with you. And I like it."

Nuriko saw that look again and couldn't keep the blush from his cheeks. "I like hanging out with you too Tama-baby, but we should---"

His words were cutoff my Tamahome's lips pressed against his. Nuriko was so taken by surprise, he dropped his tea cup. When Tamahome pulled back and looked into the violet eyes, he couldn't hold back.

"Your lips taste so sweet."

Nuriko's heart was pounding. "T-tama…."

"I know Tasuki thinks he's in love with you, but--" Nuriko's eyes went wide and he jumped down to the ground. "Nuriko?"

"H-how do you know this? Did he tell you?" Nuriko's legs threatened to give way from under him, but he kept his eyes fixed on the blue ones before him.

"No, he didn't tell me. I just figured it out. When I mentioned that I cared for you, he reacted violently. And the fact that he stopped being your friend, just made it more obvious."

Nuriko began to breathe heavy, and his head began to hurt. _Why can't you tell me this Tasuki? I shouldn't be hearing this from anyone other than you._

"I have to go."

"Wait!" He caught up with Nuriko, hands on his shoulders, "How can you love someone who doesn't even have the courage to tell you!"

"The courage to tell him what Ghost boy?"

Both seishi turned stunned eyes to the frowning orange-haired bandit. He stood, arms crossed over chest, his eyes drilling into Tamahome. He started to walk towards the pair and Tamahome let go of Nuriko, backing away a few steps. The bandit never let his eyes leave Tamahome's as he came to a stop at Nuriko's side.

"I'd like to speak to Nuriko. Privately, if you don't mind."

Tamahome looked to Nuriko and he nodded at the unspoken question. The seishi nodded to Nuriko and walked back to the palace. He knew he'd lost Nuriko. But somehow it didn't make him angry. He was a little sad, but at the same time, Nuriko and Tasuki were his friends and if they'd found each other, than he'd be happy for them. But it was going to take a lot of sake before he could reach that point.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tasuki watched Tamahome until his form faded into the remaining mist. When he turned to Nuriko, he saw confused violet eyes gazing at him.

"When I didn't find you in your room, I figured you'd be here. Although I thought you'd be alone."

Nuriko took a deep breath to steady himself before speaking. "I can't do this anymore Tasuki. Please end my misery one way or another. Do you love me?"

It was Tasuki's turn to register shock as he heard the bold question. It had taken him so long to work up enough courage to get this far but Nuriko was apparently tired of waiting. Not that he blamed him.

"Nuriko, it's not that simple for me. Tama was right. I'm scared. I don't know what to do."

"It's very simple. You either love me or you don't. You want to kiss me or you don't."

Tasuki ran his hands through his hair and began to wander around the temple courtyard, acting as if no one were there to hear him rant.

"Gods this is crazy! I have been going insane these past months and just when I thought I had it figured out, here I am, back at square one, confused as ever. Damn it! Why can't I just say it? Why does it matter if you're a man? You look the same, act the same. So what's the big deal!"

Nuriko listened to the seishi rant as he walked around the courtyard and the more he heard, the more determined he became. He marched up to Tasuki and cupped his face and kissed him deeply. He felt the bandit's body stiffen, so Nuriko pulled the kiss back a bit, gently caressing his lips and mouth with his tongue. Tasuki's body began to relax and Nuriko started to encourage him, whispering to him as he continued to kiss him.

"You don't know how long I've wanted you. You taste so good Tasuki." Nuriko felt hesitant hands on his hips, so he let his own hands slide down from the bandit's face and come to rest on his chest. He could feel the seishi's pounding heart as it matched his own. "You don't have to say it. But I do love you and I want to show you how much."

Hands slowly snaked their way around Nuriko's waist and he thought his legs were going to give out for sure. He leaned into Tasuki and let out a little moan. This seemed to be the best encouragement because Tasuki began to kiss Nuriko back. Hungrily. He trailed down Nuriko's neck and then buried his face at the base of his neck, squeezing Nuriko so tight, he almost couldn't breathe.

"I'm sorry for hurting you Nuriko. I was stupid and didn't know what to do."

All Nuriko could do was bury his face in Tasuki's shoulder as he felt the tears coming. "But….I hope you can be patient with me. I'm trying. I…want to make you happy Nuriko. Just give me time. Please."

Nuriko pulled away, wiping his face and chuckling through his tears, "Suzaku no Baka! You make me happy just by being my friend. Everything else will come in its own time. Ok?" Nuriko warmed at the fanged smile. He missed that smile so much. Nuriko nodded his head toward the palace and began to walk, "Now, I want to spar with you again and get my revenge for these bruised ribs."

"Wasn't defeat at my hands once enough for you? You're not even healed from last time. Are you that much a glutton for punishment?"

"Next time I'm not going to holdback."

"You weren't holding back last time! Admit it, I got the better of you."

Nuriko sent a sideways smirk at his friend, "Never."

"That's it! You asked for it."

Tasuki grabbed Nuriko to him and kissed him deeply. When he pulled back they were both breathless. "Wow. I'll have to ask for that more often."

**_The end_**

I know, sucky ending butI just couldn't seem to come up with something better. I like leaving them going off together, back to being best friends and heading towards a future as lovers.


End file.
